


Ninety Pounds Of Trouble

by LilyK



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Gen, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29725020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyK/pseuds/LilyK
Summary: A young woman's infatuation with Starsky puts Starsky and Hutch's lives in danger during an undercover operation.
Kudos: 1
Collections: Starsky & Hutch Original Series Transcripts





	Ninety Pounds Of Trouble


    NINETY POUNDS OF TROUBLE
    
    Season 4, Episode 16
    
    Original Airdate: February 6, 1979
    
    Written by: Robert E. Swanson
    Story Editor: Rick Edelstein
    Created by: William Blinn
    Directed by: Leo Penn
    
    Summary: A young woman's infatuation with Starsky puts Starsky and Hutch's lives in danger during an undercover operation. 
    
    Cast: 

David Soul ... Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson

Paul Michael Glaser ... Det. Dave Starsky

Antonio Fargas ... Huggy Bear

Bernie Hamilton ... Capt. Harold Dobey

Kaz Garas ... Eddie Carlyle

Lana Wood ... Sidney 'Sid' Archer

Mare Winningham ... Joey Carston

Ann Prentiss ... Mrs. Carston

Lenny Baker ... Damon

Peter Mark Richman ... Avery Schiller

Tom Jackman ... Officer Kromack

Joe Bonny ... Barman

James Vaughn ... Steve

Marki Bey ... Officer Minnie Kaplan
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Squad Room**
    
    HUTCH: Why don't you try going to bed at night?
    
    STARSKY: Hm?
    
    HUTCH: You better throw some coffee down. Dobey wants to see us.
    
    STARSKY: Thank you.
    
    HUTCH: Sorry about that.
    
    KAPLAN: Starsky?
    
    STARSKY: Who's that?
    
    KAPLAN: It's Minnie, honey. Somebody just came in to report a hit-and-run.
    
    STARSKY: So handle it. You're accredited.
    
    KAPLAN: I tried. She just won't talk to anybody but you. Ta-da. 
    
    CARSTON: Hi, Dave. How come you haven't returned my calls?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, how come you haven't returned her calls there, huh?
    
    STARSKY: I'm sorry, Joey.
    
    CARSTON: Excuse me. 
    
    HUTCH: Hm?
    
    CARSTON: Please.
    
    HUTCH:  Oh.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: Maybe the two of you want to be...
    
    STARSKY: No.
    
    HUTCH: ...alone.
    
    CARSTON: Yes, we would.
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    STARSKY: I'm sorry, Joey. I've been busy.
    
    CARSTON: You promised to take me out.
    
    STARSKY: Only if you promised to behave yourself.
    
    CARSTON: So aren't you gonna ask me about the hit-and-run?
    
    STARSKY: What hit-and--? Joey, you've come in three times with reports of a crime that was supposed to have happened. I'm getting tired of your games.
    
    CARSTON: Victim's name is Max Bauer, and I know just who did it.
    
    STARSKY: Where did it happen?
    
    CARSTON: Right in front of Marcie Bauer's house. I could drive you over and show you the crime scene.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, so you're driving now?
    
    CARSTON: Oh, I got my license last week.
    
    STARSKY: So tell me, this Max... who hit him?
    
    CARSTON: Mr. Palansky. He was coming out of his driveway and just kind of "voom--" He just kind of sideswiped poor Max and he kept right on going. Only I saw the whole thing.
    
    STARSKY: Well, uh, this guy, Max, how old is he?
    
    CARSTON: Max? Oh, gee. I'd... Probably around six weeks or so. He was just a little puppy.
    
    STARSKY: Max is a dog?
    
    CARSTON: No, Dave. A puppy.
    
    STARSKY: Joey... I am a very busy man. I'm a very busy man. You take this puppy and you take him to the Humane Society.
    
    CARSTON: What about our date?
    
    STARSKY: Okay. I'll take you for pizza tomorrow at lunch.
    
    CARSTON: Oh, are you serious?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    CARSTON: You really will?
    
    STARSKY: Mm-hm. And you promise not to bring in one more false crime report.
    
    CARSTON: Oh, no, I promise, I promise. See you tomorrow.
    
    STARSKY: Right.
    
    HUTCH: Bye, Joey, it was nice to see you.
    
    JOEY: Bye. Mm-hm. Is he always like that in the morning?
    
    HUTCH: Well, you know.
    
    CARSTON: I know.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. Frankly, I don't see what she sees in you. When did you get this doughnut, last week? Come on, Dobey wants to see us. Where you going?
    
    STARSKY: I'm going to get myself another doughnut.
    
    HUTCH: Ah. Get myself another doughnut.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Dobey's Office**
    
    HUTCH: Lenny Torkel, huh?
    
    DOBEY: Alias, Lenny the Torch. Gets his kicks cracking safes. In between, he's been running bets for Avery Schiller.
    
    HUTCH: Well, Lenny's moving up in the world. Schiller's into some heavy numbers.
    
    DOBEY: I'd practically given up on nailing Schiller. Until now. 
    
    HUTCH: What does he wanna do? Uh, trade some information on Schiller for a reduced plea?
    
    DOBEY: You got it. Says Schiller's gonna knock off some big union official.
    
    HUTCH: Who's that?
    
    DOBEY: He swears he doesn't know. He only heard that the hit man has checked into the Georgian Hotel. He thinks it's Eddie Carlyle.
    
    HUTCH: Carlyle. I know that name.
    
    DOBEY: Yeah, he's strictly a loner. We checked with the feds; they don't even have a picture of him. And Lenny says none of his people have ever met him either. But he's our first real link with Schiller, so get hooked up with your partner. Find some excuse to get him here.
    
    HUTCH: It'll be a pleasure,Captain.
    
    DOBEY: Uh, word of caution. Carlyle's no yahoo tanked up on beer with some Saturday night special in his pocket. He's a well-tuned killing machine.
    
    HUTCH: Well, what do you think we are, Captain, the school crossing guard?
    
    
    **Interior - Day - The Georgian Hotel**
    
    HUTCH: What's the charge?
    
    STARSKY: Assault with a deadly weapon.
    
    HUTCH: Against who?
    
    STARSKY: Us. Ten seconds. Police! Open up! What did I tell you?
    
    HUTCH: Must have something against the door. Cover me!
    
    STARSKY: Got you.
    
    HUTCH: Window!
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - The Georgian Hotel**
    
    STARSKY: Down here.
    
    (Chase and gunfight ensues.)
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Memorial Hospital**
    
    STARSKY: Thank you.
    
    HUTCH: Doctor says he'll live and recover.
    
    DOBEY: When Carlyle doesn't show up, Schiller's just gonna pass the contract to another hit man. We're gonna be back where we started.
    
    STARSKY: Captain, we got an idea.
    
    DOBEY: What?
    
    HUTCH: You said that most of Carlyle's clients have never met him. 
    
    STARSKY: Take a look at him. He remind you of somebody?
    
    DOBEY: Not really.
    
    STARSKY: Well, he's about Hutch's size.
    
    DOBEY: No.
    
    STARSKY: Same coloring.
    
    DOBEY: I don't like it.
    
    STARSKY: His clothes even fit Hutch. 
    
    HUTCH: Captain, how long have you been trying to get Schiller?
    
    STARSKY: Could be it. 
    
    HUTCH: What we need Schiller laying out the hit.
    
    STARSKY: Some cash changing hands. 
    
    HUTCH: And with that, we go to the DA.
    
    DOBEY: I don't have to tell you there's a dozen things can go wrong with this little charade. Including Hutch winding up on a slab.
    
    HUTCH: Captain, if it gets dicey, we can always pull out. But at least I might be able to find out who's next in line.
    
    DOBEY: All right, I guess it's worth a try.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. Just as long as Eddie doesn't get past that door. 
    
    DOBEY: I don't have to explain the facts of life to you. He's entitled to a lawyer and a phone call. We can't do anything about that.
    
    STARSKY: Only when he wakes up.
    
    DOBEY: Okay, you got 36 hours. And that's pushing it.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - The Georgian Hotel**
    
    HUTCH: What's the matter with you?
    
    STARSKY: Why don't you tell me.
    
    HUTCH: Well, I was-- I'm just, uh...
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: ...checking out the man's characteristics. His character. Like an actor working on a difficult role, you know.
    
    STARSKY: I wouldn't say difficult. I'd say impossible.
    
    HUTCH: What do you mean by that?
    
    STARSKY: You playing a classy character. It's about like having Lou Costello play Noel Coward.
    
    HUTCH: Starsky, I may have the salary of a cop, but I have the soul of an aesthete.
    
    STARSKY: Soul of... What's that?
    
    HUTCH: You know. 
    
    STARSKY: No, I don't know. 
    
    HUTCH: I mean, with the right kind of wardrobe, I would be as at home with the hoi polloi as the Rothschilds. What do you think?
    
    STARSKY: Don't ask.
    
    HUTCH: Why bother. What's this? "Miramar Lounge, Wednesday, noon, Sid."
    
    STARSKY: That's tomorrow.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, I know that.
    
    STARSKY: What, you think maybe perhaps that is the contact?
    
    HUTCH: Telephone.
    
    STARSKY: Answer it. 
    
    HUTCH: Go ahead. 
    
    STARSKY: You're the actor.
    
    HUTCH: Thank you. (on phone) Yeah?
    
    DAMON: Carlyle?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, who's this?
    
    DAMON: I see you made it.
    
    HUTCH: I'm here. Who's this?
    
    DAMON: Damon. You come highly recommended. Can you perform the little service we had in mind?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, like I said, I'm here. Telephones make me a little nervous, you know.
    
    DAMON: I understand perfectly. Where can we see you?
    
    HUTCH: I don't see people, Damon. And I don't let people see me.
    
    DAMON: Well, you're gonna have to if you want this job. My boss doesn't do business with phantoms. Shall we meet at your hotel?
    
    HUTCH: No.
    
    DAMON: Well, then, you name it.
    
    HUTCH: Hold on a second. (pause) The book. (on phone) Do you know a restaurant, Chez Moi?
    
    DAMON: Yeah, it's that high-priced French place.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, relatively speaking. Meet me there tomorrow. Cordon Bleu Room.
    
    DAMON: How will we know you?
    
    HUTCH: You won't. Stand by the fireplace, I'll find you.
    
    DAMON: The fireplace?
    
    HUTCH: Eleven-forty-five a.m. sharp. (end) Well, at least they don't know what Carlyle looks like.
    
    STARSKY: So far, so good. Now, who do you think this Sid is at the Miramar Lounge?
    
    HUTCH: You better go down there and check out that base.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: Well, Starsky, I've gotta prepare.
    
    STARSKY: Huh?
    
    HUTCH: I've got an acting debut. Where's my hat?
    
    STARSKY: On your head.
    
    HUTCH: Oh.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Police Precinct**
    
    CARSTON: Captain Dobey?
    
    DOBEY: Oh, hi, Joey.
    
    CARSTON: Hi. 
    
    DOBEY: How's the local crime wave? 
    
    CARSTON: Is Dave around?
    
    DOBEY: No, he isn't. But maybe one of the other detectives can help you.
    
    CARSTON: Oh, no. See, we have this date, and I forgot to tell him where to pick me up.
    
    DOBEY: A date?
    
    CARSTON: Yeah. For lunch. We're gonna get back together.
    
    DOBEY: I'm afraid I wouldn't know anything about that, Joey. But, uh, Starsky's gonna be busy the rest of the afternoon.
    
    CARSTON: Oh, no, it-- it was definitely a date.
    
    DOBEY: Definitely a date?
    
    CARSTON: Just definitely. I guess I just must be a little bit early.
    
    DOBEY: Mm-hm. Yeah.
    
    CARSTON: Bye.
    
    DOBEY: Bye-bye.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Chez Moi**
    
    DAMON: Carlyle? What'd you make me stand there so long for?
    
    HUTCH: I was involved with my crab. Have a seat. Where's Schiller?
    
    DAMON: He don't like to get involved. We got a deal?
    
    HUTCH: I'll need more details. Open it. 
    
    DAMON: Everything you need to know. Five thousand now; the rest when it's done.
    
    HUTCH: The man is a union official.
    
    DAMON: That don't make him immortal.
    
    HUTCH: Which do you prefer, the Iranian or the Beluga?
    
    DAMON: What's Beluga?
    
    HUTCH: I'll take fifty. And I want it all up front.
    
    DAMON: Schiller ain't gonna like that.
    
    HUTCH: You tell Schiller that he can take it or leave it. And you tell Schiller that I will deal with him personally, not with his delivery boy.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Miramar Lounge**
    
    BARTENDER: (on phone) Miramar Lounge.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. Is Sid there?
    
    BARTENDER: Yeah. Hold on. (pause) Sid. Telephone.
    
    ARCHER: Hello.
    
    STARSKY: Uh, excuse me, miss. Would you mind moving over? I'm looking for my wallet. I-- I-- I was sitting right here last night, and I-- I figured it must have fallen down here, uh, behind the cushions. Wou--? Wou--? Would you mind? Thank you.
    It'll just take a minute. Uh... Oh... It's black alligator.
    
    ARCHER: Mm-hm.
    
    STARSKY: And I was really hoping I could find it here. Maybe it fell on the floor. Hmm. Oh. Here it is! Look. oh, boy, look at that. You know, when I saw you sitting here, I-- I-- I knew I was gonna find it. I really did. Are you lucky?
    
    ARCHER: Sometimes.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, so am I. You know, I was really sweating it. I had two pari-mutuel winners in here. Hey, can I buy you a drink?
    
    ARCHER: No, thank you, I'm waiting for someone.
    
    STARSKY: Fine, I'll keep you company while you wait. I just hope nobody asks me for my autograph.
    
    ARCHER: Oh, are you someone special?
    
    STARSKY: Why don't you have a drink with me and find out. Bartender. What's your name?
    
    ARCHER: Sid.
    
    STARSKY: Sid?
    
    ARCHER: My father always wanted a boy.
    
    STARSKY: Well, your father's disappointment, sweetheart, is my delight.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Dobey's Office**
    
    DOBEY: (on phone) That's correct. Harry MacArthur, the union official. I want a 24-hour armed guard on him. And, uh, make sure every member of his family's covered, will you? Thank you. (end) 
    
    HUTCH: Well, we still need to reel Schiller in. I'm gonna go back to the hotel, see if he bites.
    
    DOBEY: Hutch, you've been pretty lucky up till now. Don't press it, huh?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Police Precinct**
    
    MRS_CARSTON: Oh! Detective Starsky. I was just looking for you.
    
    HUTCH: I'm Detective Hutchinson.
    
    MRS_CARSTON: Oh. Then, uh, it's the other one Joey's so attached to.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    MRS_CARSTON: Well, Detective Hutchinson. Uh, Ken, isn't it?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    MRS_CARSTON: Ken, I'm going to share my space with you for just a second.
    
    HUTCH: Okay.
    
    MRS_CARSTON: My spiritual adviser tells me not to repress these things. Ken, I find you exceedingly attractive.
    
    HUTCH: Look, Mrs. Carston--
    
    MRS_CARSTON: Don't be afraid.
    
    HUTCH: No. Look, I-- I really am in-- In a big hurry. I-if you have a problem that I can help you with, I'd be very happy to.
    
    MRS_CARSTON: It's about Joey. She left in my Mercedes yesterday, and I haven't seen her since.
    
    HUTCH: What? You haven't seen her since yesterday?
    
    MRS_CARSTON: No. I mean, I heard her pull in late last night, but then she was off again before I awoke this morning.
    
    HUTCH: Have you filed a report?
    
    MRS_CARSTON: Oh, no. That's not necessary. I'm sure she's all right. I think it's important for a child to develop independence. Actually, it's the car.
    
    HUTCH: The car?
    
    MRS_CARSTON: The Mercedes. Yellow. You see, I have a golf date this afternoon and my clubs are in the trunk.
    
    HUTCH: Look, Mrs. Carston, I hope she hasn't had an accident, because we wouldn't want anything to happen to your golf clubs now, would we? 
    
    MRS_CARSTON: Well, I certainly wouldn't. 
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Miramar Lounge**
    
    STARSKY: I travel a lot. You know. Wherever the action is. Look, maybe, uh... Maybe he's not gonna show up. He somebody important?
    
    ARCHER: Oh, I met him last month in New York and he showed me a good time. That's about it.
    
    STARSKY: Well, that doesn't sound too serious.
    
    ARCHER: No. It's just that he's not the kind of guy you want to get mad at you.
    
    STARSKY: You afraid of him?
    
    ARCHER: He's bad news. So am I. The best thing you could do would be to walk out of here right now.
    
    STARSKY: Hey, you are the best news that's happened to me in a long time. I don't give up that easy. 
    
    ARCHER: Well, maybe I should go call him at the hotel and...
    
    STARSKY: Uh-uh. Stay here.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - The Pits**
    
    HUGGY: Can I help you, miss?
    
    CARSTON: Give me a strawberry margarita, please.
    
    HUGGY: Um, we're fresh out of strawberries. Why don't you try the malt shop?
    
    CARSTON: I'm 18.
    
    HUGGY: And I'm Reggie Jackson.
    
    CARSTON: No, you're Huggy. It's okay. Dave will vouch for me.
    
    HUGGY: Would your name be Joey?
    
    CARSTON: Yeah. I guess Dave told you about me, huh?
    
    HUGGY: Mm-hm. Well, you two are linked in all the gossip columns.
    
    CARSTON: So, has Dave been in here today?
    
    HUGGY: Not so far.
    
    CARSTON: But he will be around, won't he?
    
    HUGGY: Could be. Shirley Temple. Don't worry, it's on the house.
    
    CARSTON: Oh, thank you. I don't really do my heavy drinking until after the sun goes down, you understand.
    
    HUGGY: Oh. Is Starsky expecting you?
    
    CARSTON: Well, we had a date. I guess he stood me up.
    
    HUGGY: Joey, could I give you a little advice?
    
    CARSTON: Do I have a choice?
    
    HUGGY: Starsky's a friend of mine, you understand? But I hate to see a fox like you get the runaround.
    
    CARSTON: I know all his faults. I'm gonna change him.
    
    HUGGY: That's just it. Starsky's over the hill. He's set in his ways. And I really hate to say this about a friend, but he's basically a demented sex fiend.
    
    CARSTON: He's a--? I can handle that.
    
    HUGGY: Joey, you'd be better off with a younger guy.
    
    CARSTON: Can't drop him, Hug. Love's a runaway train, and I'm riding this one to the end of the line.
    
    HUGGY: (on phone) The Pits. Lair of the Huggy Bear.
    
    STARSKY: Huggy? Starsk. Look, I gotta get a message to Hutch. Tell him that Sid is a girl.
    
    HUGGY: Well, that's nice for Sid.
    
    STARSKY: Quit the clowning around. She happens to be one of Carlyle's girlfriends. And from the names she's dropping, I figure she must know Schiller too.
    
    HUGGY: Well, I'll pass that on to Hutch if I see him.
    
    STARSKY: Do that. 'Cause she's one of the few people in town who can blow his cover.
    
    HUGGY: Then you want him to pull out?
    
    STARSKY: No, no. I'm gonna try to keep her under wraps. Look, tell him that we're at the Miramar Hotel.
    
    HUGGY: Miramar Hotel. Okay, but i--? is she pretty? Oh, oh, yeah. Your lunch date is here. Mm-hm. Don't worry, I'll put the Shirley Temple on your tab.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, do that, will you. Tell her I'm sorry, something came up. Take it easy. (end) 
    
    
    **Interior - Day - The Georgian Hotel**
    
    HUTCH: (on phone) Yeah?
    
    SCHILLER: Carlyle? This is Schiller. 
    
    HUTCH: Did Damon give you my message? 
    
    SCHILLER: Yeah, I respect a man who doesn't underestimate a difficult job. Let's talk.
    
    HUTCH: Where?
    
    SCHILLER: My place. Now, I want to be sure that this is done right.
    
    HUTCH: Well, that's what you're paying the big money for, Schiller. Now, why don't you give me your location. (end) 
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Miramar Lounge**
    
    STARSKY: It sounds to me like you've had yourself a pretty tough life.
    
    ARCHER: I've been hanging around some pretty tough people.
    
    STARSKY: Mm-hm.
    
    ARCHER: I've tried to get away from it, but I don't know. The phone rings, and I'm never doing anything.
    
    STARSKY: Did you ever think about making a change, hm? Maybe getting out of town?
    
    ARCHER: Sure. You want to take me with you the next time you go back East? Hey, it's all right. You don't owe me anything, you know. I need some cigarettes.
    
    STARSKY: Why don't you sit tight and I'll go get them, okay?
    
    ARCHER: Okay.
    
    CARSTON: I think we'd better have a talk, woman to woman.
    
    ARCHER: Oh, well, sit down. Uh... What would you like to talk about?
    
    CARSTON: I'd like to talk about Dave. Being that I have a prior claim on him.
    
    ARCHER: Ah. Uh, you know Dave?
    
    CARSTON: We're going together.
    
    ARCHER: Oh.
    
    CARSTON: Oh, I know he has these lapses. I'll bet he didn't tell you about me, did he?
    
    ARCHER: Tsk. No, he didn't.
    
    CARSTON: Well, he's like that. But I'm gonna change him.
    
    ARCHER: Um, how do you know Dave?
    
    CARSTON: He busted me for shoplifting. It was love at first sight.
    
    ARCHER: I'm-- I'm-- I'm sorry, he busted you?
    
    CARSTON: Yes, he busted me. He arrested me. Of course, he dropped the charges after he fell in love with me.
    
    ARCHER: Dave is a cop?
    
    CARSTON:  Sure. Lousy life, being married to a cop. I've thought about that. I'll have to be very understanding. Is something the matter? Oh. Dave didn't tell you he was a cop, did he?
    
    ARCHER: No. No, he didn't.
    
    CARSTON: Bye. Hi, Dave.
    
    STARSKY: What are you doing here?
    
    CARSTON: I was at Huggy's when you called. Heard him mention the hotel, so I just thought I'd come over.
    
    STARSKY: Look, get out of here.
    
    CARSTON: Ah, ah, ah. Come on. I'm not leaving until we talk this thing over like two adults.
    
    STARSKY: Joey, you gotta get out of here. You're gonna spoil everything.
    
    CARSTON: Uh huh. Uh huh> I'm not leaving until we discuss our relationship.
    
    STARSKY: Relation--?
    
    CARSTON: Our relationship.
    
    STARSKY: Look, Joey.
    
    CARSTON: What?
    
    STARSKY: You're just-
    
    CARSTON: What?
    
    STARSKY: Get out of here. I said, get out of here. Now! Come on, get!
    
    CARSTON: No.
    
    STARSKY: Get! Come on!
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Schiller's Office**
    
    DAMON: This here's Eddie Carlyle.
    
    SCHILLER: Carlyle. Sit down. Somehow I... I thought you'd look different.
    
    HUTCH: Well, you're not exactly what I was expecting either, Schiller. So you decided to pay my price, huh?
    
    SCHILLER: I'm glad you realize it's gonna require special handling. You may have to take this guy in a public place. 
    
    HUTCH: Let's just make the deal and get on with it, huh?
    
    SCHILLER: Relax, Carlyle. I didn't get where I am by rushing things. (on phone) Yeah?
    
    ARCHER: Schiller, this is Sid. Listen, I think you should know something. I was supposed to meet Carlyle, and he never showed up. But a cop did.
    
    SCHILLER: Where is this, uh, cop?
    
    ARCHER: Across the street at the Miramar Hotel.
    
    SCHILLER: All right, you, uh... You stick with him. But don't let on you know he's a cop. I gotta figure this one out. (end) That was Sid. She says you didn't show up for a date. But another guy did. A cop.
    
    HUTCH: So that guy was a cop, huh? This whole thing stinks, Schiller. I want no part of it.
    
    SCHILLER: Carlyle, come on back here and sit down.
    
    DAMON: What guy?
    
    HUTCH: You wanna know why I didn't meet you at the hotel? Because there was a guy in the lobby. He was a cop. That's why I didn't meet Sid.
    
    SCHILLER: You know, you've got a problem. Convince me. 
    
    HUTCH: You've got the problem. You've got a leak in your organization, Schiller.
    
    SCHILLER: If there is, I'll handle it.
    
    HUTCH: Well, I would suggest you do that because I don't want any cops following me around.
    
    SCHILLER: If this guy is a cop, what could he know?
    
    HUTCH: I want him out of the picture.
    
    SCHILLER: You want a cop out of the picture?
    
    HUTCH: It's not gonna cost you any more, if that's what you're concerned about. It's the principle of the thing.
    
    SCHILLER: All right.
    
    HUTCH: Do you have a good driver?
    
    SCHILLER: Yeah. Damon here is the best.
    
    HUTCH: So am I.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Miramar Lounge**
    
    STARSKY: What happened to you? I was worried about you.
    
    ARCHER: Oh, I needed a little fresh air and to do some thinking.
    
    STARSKY: About what?
    
    ARCHER: What a really lousy world we live in. Do you wanna get a room?
    
    STARSKY: No. Come on. Let's take a walk somewhere.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - City Streets**
    
    HUTCH: You sure this car is clean?
    
    DAMON: My people picked it up on the other side of town.
    
    HUTCH: Well, then we should have nothing to worry about, right?
    
    DAMON: I think we ought to wait for a better shot.
    
    HUTCH: Look, Damon, you just do the driving. Let me do the thinking. There, slow down. That's the cop I saw in the lobby. Now, I want you to be sure to have the car ready  when I make my move.
    
    DAMON: Right on the street?
    
    HUTCH: Look, Damon, if you can't handle it, you'd better let me know now. Stop up ahead.
    
    STARSKY: This isn't such a bad place. The ocean's over there.
    
    HUTCH: You're tailing the wrong man, Officer.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: Love and kisses from Schiller.
    
    ARCHER: Dave, I didn't know they were gonna do this. I swear! I swear I didn't know. Dave! Dave!
    
    HUTCH: Let's go, Damon. Nice and easy.
    
    CARSTON: Get out of the way. Get out of the way! Come on, move! Dave. Dave. Dave. Please don't die, please!
    
    STARSKY: Listen, it's only a nick. Now, you go get an ambulance, huh?
    
    CARSTON: What?
    
    STARSKY: Go on, right away. Go!
    
    CARSTON: (on CB) This is Foxy. Scramble. This is an emergency! Send an ambulance to the Miramar Hotel. Somebody's been shot. (end) 
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Schiller's Office**
    
    SCHILLER: You know, Carlyle, for a while there I was worried about you.
    
    HUTCH: You still worried?
    
    DAMON: I never seen anything like it, Mr. Schiller. This guy's got ice water in his veins.
    
    SCHILLER: Anybody with the nerve to do what you did can handle the job for us.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, well, I don't do this kind of work on the cuff.
    
    SCHILLER: I don't expect you to.
    
    DAMON: You are something else, Carlyle.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah? You wanna top this off?
    
    SCHILLER: Carlyle. (on phone) Yeah. What? What are you talking about? Well, bring him in. (end) You're cute.
    
    HUTCH: Now, what's going on here?
    
    CARLYLE: What the hell is this?
    
    SCHILLER: Mr. Carlyle, say hello to Mr. Carlyle.
    
    HUTCH: Schiller, where'd you find the comedian? He's really entertaining. Next he's gonna tell you I'm a cop.
    
    CARLYLE: But he is a cop.
    
    HUTCH: Sure I am.
    
    CARLYLE: I'm telling you, I'm Carlyle.
    
    SCHILLER: If you're Carlyle, where you been the past couple of days?
    
    CARLYLE: I got busted by a couple of cops. I was laid up at the hospital.
    
    HUTCH: You belong in a hospital. Look, Schiller, this charade has gone on long enough. You want identification, there it is. Passport, driver's license, credit cards.
    
    CARLYLE: He ripped those off of me.
    
    DAMON: Sit down.
    
    CARLYLE: Damn it, Schiller, if he killed a cop, he was faking it. I'm telling you, I'm Carlyle.
    
    SCHILLER: Get rid of him.
    
    CARLYLE: Wait a second. Wait a second. There's a girl we both know. Her name's Sid. 
    
    DAMON: She'd know which of these guys is Carlyle.
    
    SCHILLER: All right. Go find her.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Police Precinct**
    
    KAPLAN: Come on, move that butt and come along. 
    
    CARSTON: Just one second. I just have to say one thing. 
    
    KAPLAN: You're gonna make me lose my job. You cannot go in here!
    
    CARSTON: I have to say one thing.
    
    STARSKY: Joey! It's all right. It's all right. 
    
    KAPLAN: I told this child you were busy.
    
    CARSTON: Dave! Dave, you're alive! I thought they killed you! Where'd they get you?
    
    STARSKY: Huh? 
    
    CARSTON: Does it hurt? 
    
    STARSKY: Uh, they missed.
    
    CARSTON: What?
    
    STARSKY: They m-missed.
    
    CARSTON: They missed?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, you see...
    
    CARSTON: Oh. You let me think you were lying there in agony, practically dying, and you didn't even tell me?
    
    STARSKY: No, you don't understand. 
    
    CARSTON: I understand just fine.
    
    STARSKY: No, you don't. 
    
    CARSTON: Huggy was right, you're a rat.
    
    STARSKY: Joey, it's police business.
    
    CARSTON: Oh, don't even bother to explain. I only came here to talk to Captain Dobey. Excuse me. I followed those guys. I know exactly where they are.
    
    STARSKY: Come on, Joey.
    
    CARSTON: And they have Hutch.
    
    DOBEY: Don't get yourself involved, Joey. We know where Hutch is. He's all right.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, come on, now.
    
    CARSTON: Uh, look. The whole thing's a big scam, right? And Hutch is trying to convince everyone that he's Carlyle.
    
    DOBEY: Yeah, something like that.
    
    CARSTON: Okay. So let's suppose that the real Carlyle showed up. Wouldn't Hutch be in big trouble? He showed up.
    
    DOBEY: He did what?
    
    CARSTON: He showed up. 
    
    DOBEY: Joey, if this is another one of your games...
    
    CARSTON: Why won't you believe me?
    
    DOBEY: (on phone) Yeah, let me speak to the officer in Five West. (pause) 
    
    WOMAN: (over PA) Officer Kromack. Telephone.
    
    KROMACK: Yeah, Officer Kromack here. No, I just looked at him. His condition's the same. He hasn't moved a muscle. 
    
    STARSKY: Thank you. (end) 
    
    CARSTON: What'd he say?
    
    DOBEY: Carlyle's still out. And you're going home. Because your mother is waiting for you.
    
    CARSTON: Oh, you're gonna be so sorry.
    
    STARSKY: No, I'm not. Go on.
    
    DOBEY: Kind of hard on her, weren't you, Starsky?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, I guess I was.
    
    DOBEY: You know, she's really a nice girl.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. Well, how could she lie about a thing like that?
    
    KROMACK: (on phone) Starsky!
    
    STARSKY: How long? Never mind. (end) Carlyle's gone. The kid was right.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Schiller's Office**
    
    DAMON: I found her packing for a last-minute trip.
    
    CARLYLE: Hello, Sid.
    
    ARCHER: Hello, Carlyle. I waited for you for a long time. Really.
    
    CARLYLE: I heard you weren't lonely for very long. 
    
    SCHILLER: I make you a present of this one. Just don't do it here.
    
    CARLYLE: It's a pleasure.
    
    SCHILLER: Damon,give him your gun.
    
    CARLYLE: Never did like that jacket. Now I know why. 
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Schiller's Warehouse**
    
    CARLYLE: For you I'm gonna invent a new way to die.
    
    (Fight ensues.) 
    
    CARSTON: Come on.
    
    DOBEY: Where's Schiller?
    
    HUTCH: In the office.
    
    STARSKY: Come on.
    
    DOBEY: Hold it right there, Schiller!
    
    ARCHER: Don't!
    
    HUTCH: I owe you one. Hey, where'd you guys come from?
    
    STARSKY: Our Joey had the whole thing wired. I think you owe her a great big thanks. I owe her an apology.
    
    HUTCH: Hey, Joey, come here. Thank you.
    
    STARSKY: Hey, be careful. That's my girl you got.
    
    HUTCH: Not anymore.
    
    STARSKY: Hey, hey, that's too much.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Park**
    
    STARSKY: Now, I just happen to have two tickets for the Springsteen concert on Friday night.
    
    HUTCH: Hey, hey.
    
    STARSKY: And if you're a good little girl, I'll even let you drive.
    
    CARSTON: Mm. Isn't Hutch coming?
    
    STARSKY: Hutch?
    
    STARSKY: Hey, two is company, three is a crowd.
    
    CARSTON: Oh. You planning on making some heavy moves, are you, Hot Lips, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Ought to be ashamed of yourself. I'm an old guy. I could get sent away for thoughts like that.
    
    HUTCH: Fifteen will get you 20.
    
    CARSTON: What about you?
    
    HUTCH: Me?
    
    CARSTON: Yeah, you?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, well, uh, I'm only a little younger than he is.
    
    STEVE: Hey, Joey.
    
    CARSTON: Hi, Steve.
    
    STEVEN: Can I talk to you for a minute?
    
    CARSTON: Okay.
    
    HUTCH: You know, Starsky,
    
    STARSKY: Mm.
    
    STEVE: you oughtn't be so condescending to Joey.
    
    STARSKY: What do you mean?
    
    STEVE: Consider yourself lucky a girl as nice-looking and young as she is would even wanna be seen with you.
    
    STARSKY: You don't understand, do you?
    
    STEVE: Explain it to me.
    
    STARSKY: I'm doing that girl a favor. She's got a crush on me.
    
    HUTCH: Happens to have a crush on you. At your age.
    
    STARSKY: What do you mean, at my age? I am not that old.
    
    HUTCH: Nice-looking guy.
    
    CARSTON: He's all right. He's captain of the football team.
    
    STARSKY: No kidding.
    
    CARSTON: Anyway, he wants me to come over Friday and watch him practice.
    
    HUTCH: That's the Springsteen concert Friday.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, that's the Springsteen concert Friday night.
    
    CARSTON: Can't you make it another night?
    
    STEVE: Listen, Joey... if you wanna bring your uncles along to the practice on Friday, that's okay.
    
    STARSKY: You told him that we were your uncles?
    
    CARSTON: Well, you keep telling me how old you are.
    
    HUTCH: Hm. I think I'd better sit down, Starsky. I'm feeling a little tired.
    
    END
    
    
    
    
    


End file.
